Am I happy?

As a reader of Dawn's excellent blog The Moiderer I was interested to read about her new book. The description starts "One day, when my daughter was around 3 years old, she started asking "Are you happy mummy?".

Am I happy now? For the first time in years I can say 'yes'. There has been no seismic shift, just another a combination of good fun, appreciating the ups and working at it. It is no secret that I was terrified of getting post natal depression again, fear that again - when all else seemed to be going so well - I would find myself quietly crying as I pushed the buggy along.
Last time the depression crept up on me but now the has veil had lifted and I can feel things, and that feels good! Sure I get tired, at times I find the treadmill of nappy changing a little dull - but that is eclipsed by the good.
It is funny how sometimes an insignificant moment can shine a light on your life. I remember the moment when, eleven years ago getting out of the bath, I new with certainty I could spend the rest of my life with the Hubster. Similarly, the other day I was carrying DB back to our living room and I caught myself laughing as we chatted wordlessly. Yes, I had just changed a nappy; no, nothing dramatic was happening that moment - but my paradigm had changed and that was momentous - I was happy!




I was inspired to write this by Mich at Mummy from the Heart and her Reasons to Be Cheerful blog hop. As I have been blogging for a while I should be more clued up, but it took Mama Owl's prompt to get me up to speed on blog hop netiquette - I hope I have it sorted now. Anywhere here is the linky to help you finds other lovely entries. Thanks again to Mummy from the Heart and Mama Owl!

Flashback Friday - Getting Married

I often try to follow Karin's lead on Flashback Friday, but as I have never vlogged or video blogged I can't begin to this week. Instead I am following the lead of many others and flashing back to our wedding nine years ago.

It was a very poignant day - my Dad had died six months before so my big bro had escorted me up the aisle. I say aisle, but we were not in a church but in the remains of an old priory, and I had to walk over the buried ashes of my Great Aunt Gertrude to get to where the Hubster and the vicar. (If you don't have a Great Aunt Gertrude, I recommend them, she is a great source of unlikely anecdotes most of which are even true).

As I reached the Hubster I could look at him to my right and a quick glance to the left and I could see my Dad's grave completely covered with flowers. He had been ill for some time with a hideous form of early onset dementia and from our engagement we did not know if he could make it to the wedding, and if he had, it may have been too horribly confusing for a once highly clever and dignified man. It was painful not having him there in person, but he was certainly there in spirit. After six months of mourning and incredible sadness it was as if our wedding brought out the sun again - metaphorically and in reality; as the vicar pronounced us man and wife the sun came out from behind the clouds. One way or another I feel as if it has been shining for us ever since!

Be inspired by Karin and others on Cafe Bebe's Flashback Friday