Monday, 23 August 2010

The last taboo

So many things are described as the last taboo. I remember at college having to help an actor on stage who wearing nothing but a straight jacket and a ghetto blaster on a skate board attached to his only unencumbered appendage (ahem) - all in the name of tackling taboos. Well, this weekend I read another article called Miscarriage: A mother's last taboo and wondered, is it really?

I had a couple of early miscarriages last year and it was strange that while it knocked me sideways I could not always say why I was exhausted / under the weather / emotional. As you may have guessed by the way I write I don't mind challenging convention - and I will talk about almost anything to any one - but utter the word miscarriage and people recoil. It is as if mentioning the M word is a social faux pas.

If you have the flu you mention it and get sympathy, but if you have a miscarriage you are a fruit loop for mentioning it. I exaggerate a little, but people are not comfortable hearing about miscarriage?

They say that 50 years ago cancer was never discussed, it was not considered to be appropriate and it was viewed with disdain, even prejudice. Similarly, when miscarriage is so common, up to 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, why do people feel uncomfortable hearing about it. I won't burst into tears on you, I will share in your joy if you are blessed with a baby and it is not contageous, so why don't you feel comfortable hearing about my miscarriage? Don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting that I was offering news of my miscarriage as a random conversation opener, but was not adverse to being honest about it if asked or if it was pertinent to a discussion. I just think that if we found it easier to confront it as a subject it would make it easier to recover.

On a positive note, part of the reason I want to have another babe is to give the Pickle a sibling around her age (I have two lovely, but much older step children). I love my relationship with my big Bro! We are SO different with totally different politics / friends / jobs and outlooks, but as we both admit that on the real matters in life we agree. He has been a real strength when I have been low, I know that it can not be an easy subject for a confirmed bachelor, but he has just been the best big bro ever, knowing the right thing to say and do to make me feel better. Here's still hoping that the Pickle gets a sibling as great as my big Bro!

1 comment:

  1. Until I started blogging I never talked much about my miscarriage. At the time hardly anyone even knew I was pregnant so I didn't want to tell them. It has helped putting it online an talking about it even though I very soon afterwards had a healthy pregnancy.



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