Leaping into action

Well, the title is a lie but it is an unavoidable pun when thinking about tomorrow's date. Radio 4's PM programme has been urging us to take a leap for the leap year - so will I rise to the challenge?

In a word No! My life is on slow burn at the moment. I don't do resolutions, although once I arranged a midsummer dawn visit to Avebury for a would be pagan friend of mine (who stood up both us and her putative beliefs). My Wiltshire bf and I ended up by making simple but life affirming vows that, by and large, have kept our lives on track. (If you are asking, mine was not to take the Hubster fore granted).

I got post natal depression with the Pickle - not when I was looking out for it, in the early months - after about a year. My career had not survived adverse politicking when I was away on maternity leave, I was living with step children who were convinced that we/I really hated them (never got to the bottom of this conundrum), motherhood had confronted me with a whole heap of issues from my well buried past and, possibly most critically, the Pickle did not sleep for more that a couple of hours at a time in all that period. I was baffled and frustrated that my usual optimism had deep fissures!

This time around I did not want to repeat the heartache and calculated that things were not on my side - with a newborn and five year old I would be busy and the age of austerity could diminish any help available. I hauled my ripe belly to a lovely local charity and did the kind of emotional health check that I had read about in the excellent 'The f*** you up your family' by entering six weeks of counselling.

Since then I have been plodding purposefully. A friend gave a mantra 'you are the change you want to be'. It may be based on something Gandhi said, I am not sure, but the gist is that I need make a difference to my own life!

I won't turn whirling dervish tomorrow, although I expect if I did the Pickle would find that highly amusing, but I will keep on plodding! I have a bit of a game plan and tomorrow is another day that will bring me closer to my goal. Yes, I did say game plan - and games are meant to be fun. If may focus my mind and, if I make a few long distance calls to reengage drifting friendships, that sounds good too.

What about you? Business as usual or a great leap forward?