I have been reading the most amazing range of responses to motherhood and mother's day. I was particularly inspired by Carol at Dance without Sleeping piece on 'Mothers Day is not always Special' and by Vegemitevix's 'What kind of a Mother are you'
With Vix there were many wry observations about parenting; she compares her 'band aid and hugs' parenting style with that of her Mother, and the modern tendency to molly coddle. How can I compare myself with my Mother who was notable only in her absence? I feel that I am bungling along with no role models other than common sense and what I have picked up about psychology. Is it easier to spoon feed as a way of feeling that you are being a good parent, rather than allowing children their wings?
Carol talks heart breakingly about the absent mother and feeling alone and abandoned. My Mum never strictly speaking abandoned me, she was always around but never in my presence. She was so busy being busy that my first memory my parents was asking who were the lovely people were giving me such nice presents at Christmas. I can't blame my Mum - I believe that she genuinely did her best, just she had no idea or capacity for being maternal. When we were a little older (maybe six) I recollect going downstairs and diving into her bed; she would be giving my Dad a manicure while he slept and she was totally bemused by our presence, but at least she did not just shoo us away.
At least I can't fall into the trap of outdoing my own Mother's style of mothering - the Pickle has already had many more hugs in a week that my Mum gave me in a lifetime. I love the idea of being a Band Aid and Hugs Mum - but it is still early days; the Pickle is just 4 1/2 and Beanie a bump.
Carol suggests 'not to think about the past and focus on the future' I can't guarantee I'll be that reflective. In the heat of the moment I'll be bimbling along, clueless as to what to do - but we will all be having great fun (and normally mess) doing it.